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How to Strengthen your Marriage in One Day

Luke Rowley
3 min readMay 16, 2019

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“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche

My wife is my best friend, and we’ve always been close since the day we met. But most of the time, I feel like a lousy husband. I’ve been hard on myself about it, as I am with most things, for nearly our entire six years together. At least until recently.

After listening to The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonigal a few months ago, I learned an essential truth about willpower and how it relates to marriage. After some introspection, I’ve found this to be true and wildly helpful in my relationship with my spouse.

Willpower is like a muscle.

And just like a muscle, it can be depleted.

We use our reserves of willpower when we make any good decision — from getting up early to choosing the salad over a slice of pizza for lunch. The more right choices we make, the lower our willpower levels fall.

Willpower levels reduce throughout the day, just as your feet might get tired from walking around in a job where you have to stand all day. The good news is that your “willpower muscle,” as McGonigal refers to it, can be strengthened with work.

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Luke Rowley
Luke Rowley

Written by Luke Rowley

Goal Engineer. Get my free 5-day email course to learn my 4–4–4 goal-setting system so you can stick to your goals all year long: https://bit.ly/3f8bhyR

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