I ’ve never felt like a writer. Even calling myself one doesn’t quite feel right.
The truth is, in my day job I am an engineer. At night, I write. I aspire to be a coach.
But who am I really?
I’m starting to discover the answer to this question and find out why I am here. And what I am supposed to do with this amazing life I’ve been given.
Regardless of whether or not I can call myself a writer, writing is a massive part of who I am and who I want to be.
I love writing. Always have, and always will.
It’s changed me and improved me so significantly. I am far from the same person I was six months ago when I got started.
I felt this burning excitement at the idea that I could become a blogger. Most days I still do.
But I’m letting perfectionism get to me.
I’ve been consistent for over six months now, publishing every week — nearly every weekday here on Medium. I am learning and growing so much every day that I continue.
I recognize now, better than ever before, what it takes to make great content. I want to create the best articles so bad that I stall when I sit down to write. I can’t even get started because I want every article to be perfect.
But I’m just not there yet.
It’s been getting hard to continue without admitting the difficulties that are holding me back. It has been a struggle to sit down and write, and it wasn’t before. It’s time I stopped beating myself up and remember why I love to write.
I’ve forgotten the love I had for the process. I used to enjoy getting on here and writing, regardless of how good it was or the outcome I experienced.
I’ve fallen prey to extrinsic motivation. My consistency has given me some small amount of success. And that success is crippling me.
I write because I love it.
Writing makes me feel like I’ve never felt before.
And I don’t care if I’m good right at first.
In fact, I don’t care if after hundreds of iterations I’m still not that good.
Yes, some projects for my writing will take longer and require a more significant effort. I do want to change and improve. My six months of writing thus far has thankfully landed me the perfect mentoring experience to do that.
But I’m trying to make myself change too fast.
I need to remember some of my advice.
It’s time to get back on track with being consistent, regardless of how I feel. I know, deep down, that it’s the consistency that will make me a better writer. I can’t change all at once. I’m not going to be great at first, and that’s okay.
And I know, my writing still sucks a lot of the time, but I’m still not giving up.
You don’t give up either, okay?